Someone recently told me that she overheard some women saying that I "asked for" having a child with Down syndrome. After all, I was over 35 when I had him and he is my fifth child. At first, I felt defiant. Yes, I was over 35, but over 80 percent of babies with Down syndrome are born to women under the age of 35. I have many friends who have five or more children. None of them have a child with Down syndrome. About one in every 700 babies is born with Down syndrome. Wouldn't that mean that I would have to have 700 children to be "asking for" it? Not five?
As I have thought about their comment, I have decided to respond publicly, because I have no doubt that this was neither the first nor the last time that someone has thought or said that I "asked for" this. I have heard it said about others in various situations. I am not so naive as to believe that no one has said it about me. Frankly, I was surprised that it took a year and a half for me to hear about it.
Before I had Jude, I had felt for quite some time that there was a fifth child waiting to come to our family. I knew it was a boy. Still, I was quite apprehensive. I was, after all, over the age of 35. More concerning to me was that I had been so sick and miserable when I was pregnant with Sophie. It had been so hard for me. But, the feeling was overwhelming. We had another child waiting. So, Doug and I prayerfully and thoughtfully decided to have one more baby.
So, was I asking for it?
I have thought a lot about this for the past week. At first, all I could think was No, I didn't ask for this, but I would have, if I had known. And then it hit me. I did ask for it. Over the years, I have prayed with my whole heart that my family would be a close, loving family. I prayed that we would be a happy family. I prayed for help teaching my children compassion and gentleness. I prayed that I would learn to be a more Christ-like mother. As I look over the past year and a half, I see clearly that the Lord answered my prayers through Jude. He is a joy. He brings so much laughter and love into our home. It was there before, but not like this. He is teaching my children compassion. He is teaching us all to look beyond labels and see the gift that every person is. He is teaching us to rejoice in small things. He is teaching us faith. I certainly don't feel sorry for myself for having him. How could I? Jude is just like a tiny, wiggly, busy, determined, happy angel. When I snuggle with him or see his smily face, I can feel God's love pouring out of him. I hardly ever even think about his having Down syndrome. But I always think about how amazing he is. In fact, every day, I wonder how I got to be so lucky to be his mom. I didn't know I was asking for a child with Down syndrome, but I guess I was! And praise the Lord, He answered my prayers!
If you, too, catch yourself thinking that I asked for this, go ahead! But don't do it with any heaviness of heart or pity. Join me in rejoicing!
