Love is Spoken Here

About a year ago, Doug and I attended a homeschool conference. One of the classes offered was called Teaching Self-Government by Nicholeen Peck. I knew that she had a big two day seminar coming up and I thought I would attend her hour long class at the conference to see if I thought it would be worth the money to go to the big seminar. Doug and I sat there, feeling the Spirit, and knowing that this lady was on to something. She talked about teaching our children to govern themselves, to grow into emotionally healthy adults. She talked about having a family vision and a family mission. She talked about always having the Spirit of love in the home, something that many "parenting" books leave out. Doug and I found her later and told her we wanted to come to her seminar. She told us what to do and we did it. A few weeks later, we attended it. It was fantastic, but overwhelming. There is so much work to having the kind of family I want to have! We started implementing some of the ideas she suggested and found some improvement, until we started getting lazy again. Recently, she published her book. I got it in the mail on one of those days. (It was a not-a-party day.) So, I opened it and started reading it immediately. Although the seminar was fantastic, the book is even better. I am a visual person and like to have the book as a reference, too. Anyway, the thing that I was realizing was this: although I had been practicing not yelling at my kids, I found that I could be just as mean with my calm voice as I could in my yelling voice. Was that what I wanted for my happy family? A mean mom with a calm voice? No. I want, even when I have to discipline or correct behavior, my family to know that I love them unconditionally. I want to invite the Spirit to help me parent by the way I act. I decided to work on this. What an immediate miracle!

Although Ashton is practically perfect in every way, she does have her moments. She is, after all, a tween, well, and a human. She had a moment the other day. Her choices earned her a negative consequence. She was angry and wanted to blame me for her choice and consequence. I started to get angry, but instead went to a place of love and concern for her. I told her that I was sorry that she didn't like the consequence (not in my usually sarcastic tone!) and told her how much I love her and am grateful for her. She was angry for a few minutes and then collapsed in my arms in tears telling me how much she loves me and how much she appreciates me. She accepted her consequence gracefully after that. What a difference. I had a few similar experiences with Christian after that. He actually wants me to fight with him. It doesn't make sense, but it's true. When I am just being calm, it turns into a game for him to get me worked up. When I am calm and loving, it is totally different. He doesn't seem to want me to get worked up or to change anything. I am amazed.

So, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I mean, why wait until January to work on being better? Why not just do it whenever you know you should be better? Plus, I have this idea that they don't work. No one ever lasts past February, do they? HOWEVER, this year, my goal and everything happens to line up with the beginning of the year, so I guess it will end up being my resolution. I am going to show and speak love to my family (and everyone else). I am going to follow the golden rule. And it is going to last past February. My plan is for it to be a permanent change.

Today, I had a rough morning. After a few hours, I wasn't feeling it. The love, that is. I almost gave in. Instead, I dropped to my knees and begged for help. What else could I do? I immediately felt better. I know that this is the only way I will be able to reach this goal. Truthfully, isn't it the only way to meet any of our goals? I know that I will mess up. I will get angry and upset. I will ask for forgiveness and try again.

“Have we cultivated a spirit of love in our homes? Observed President David O. McKay, ‘A true Mormon home is one in which if Christ should chance to enter, he would be pleased to linger and to rest’ (in Conference Report, Oct. 1947, 120). “What are we doing to ensure that our homes meet this description? Do we ourselves meet it?”
Thomas S. Monson, “Dedication Day,” Liahona, Jan. 2001, 79